


For What It's Worth

by Jarino



Series: Rima Lavellan, Herald of Andraste [17]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Comfort, Dragon Age Quest: Perseverance, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-05
Updated: 2016-11-05
Packaged: 2018-08-29 06:51:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8479447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jarino/pseuds/Jarino
Summary: After Cullen’s episode with his lyrium kit, he decideds to give Rima a full explanation of his past. He believes she’ll resent him, but little does he know how wrong he is.





	

Balancing the tray of food in one hand, Rima knocked her fist against the door.

“Come in.” A calm, welcoming voice was her answer, to her great relief. Careful to keep the tray from wobbling too much, she swiftly opened the door with one hand before readjusting her hold on the platter. Propping the door open with her hip, she pushed it aside and entered Cullen’s office.

He was leaning over his desk, as was typical, but even from her distance, she could see that he was doing better than the other day. His eyes were less sunken and a decent amount of color had returned to his complexion. The sight made her smile.

The moment he noticed her presence, he immediately shot to his feet, a soft blush heating his cheeks. “I-Inquisitor! I mean – Rima! I…” He let out a nervous laugh, reaching for the back of his neck like he always did in times of embarrassment.

Smiling warmly, she approached his desk and set down the silver tray. “I…thought you might be hungry,” she said by way of greeting.

He glanced down at the food in surprise before turning his attention to her. Sheepishly, she turned her gaze to the ground and began rubbing her hand along her arm to distract herself from his scrutiny. Rima knew he hated being coddled, but he didn’t take care of himself as he should. Far too often, he neglected his meals or sleep in favor of working himself to the bone.

She cared about him a great deal, and even though he’d confessed to her less than a week ago, she still worried that he might find her self-proclaimed acts of kindness invasive or unwanted.

“This is…I… _thank you_ …” he breathed with a hint of reverence.

Slowly, she glanced up at him once more to find him staring at her with an unbelievable amount of warmth. She was well aware of the heat that was rapidly making itself known on her cheeks and self-consciously tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. “Y-you’re welcome,” she murmured.

Looking over the contents of the tray with curiosity, Cullen asked, “Did you make all this?”

“Luckily, no,” Rima answered with a laugh. “I picked the berries from further down the mountain, but Cook takes credit for making the tarts. The rest is just meat and cheese I was able to grab from the pantry.”

“It looks wonderful,” he said with a grin. “Would you care to join me?”

Giggling softly, Rima answered, “I’d love to.”

She cleared off one of the stools he kept in the corner and dragged it to his desk so that she could sit across from him. They began sampling the food together, commenting on its quality while engaging in nondescript conversation.

These were the moments she enjoyed more than anything; just being able to enjoy one another’s presence without the weight of the Inquisition on their shoulders. And he certainly seemed happier as well. His face lit up in ways that had once seemed impossible and for once he appeared to be truly relaxed.

“You seem to be feeling better,” she noted with an incline of her head. “No headaches, I trust?”

His smile seemed to drop then and she instantly regretted bringing it up. After a moment of silence though, he spoke up. “I…Yes. Today has been…” His gaze met hers then and she was almost tempted to shiver from the intensity of the look he gave her. His eyes were soft, but there was certainly something _more_ to the way he looked at her. “…nice.”

Oh, but the way he could put so much meaning into such a simple word…It was clearly not what he’d wanted to say and yet she could sense the weight of his feelings just from his delivery.

Rima’s blush returned with a vengeance and she looked to the side once more.

“I’m glad,” she said softly. “You’ve been through so much lately and…well, I’m just thankful you aren’t suffering all the time…”

Any joy on Cullen’s face disappeared entirely then and his brows drew together. Whether it was in concern or contemplation, she could not say. He opened his mouth as if to speak, but closed it soon after. This process repeated itself a few times before he seemed to find the proper words. “About last week…” he began with hesitation. “I feel like I owe you a proper explanation…”

“You don’t need to do that,” Rima insisted, placing her hand on top of his. “I’ve already forgiven you.”

Closing his eyes, he shook his head in response. “No…I do not deserve to be let off so easily. Regardless of the accident that started it, I ignored your feelings and gave no reasoning for my actions. I gave vague descriptions of the past which I am so desperately trying to break from, yet I have not told you the truth in full…”

“Really, Cullen…if you’re not ready to tell me, it’s–”

He held up a hand to keep her from saying any more and her mouth soon fell shut in response. “No, you deserve to know. I’ve been putting this off for a long time now, but if we…If you want to continue this, then it’s only fair that I tell you everything.”

Rima stared at him in silence for a long while. Slowly, she set down the piece of cheese she’d been chewing on and rose from her seat. When she met him on the other side of the desk, he looked at her worriedly, but she merely answered by tugging on his arm. She managed to convince him to stand and began guiding him across the room, with him following obediently. They settled into the loveseat in the corner, with Rima nestling herself into his side.

Carefully, she entwined their fingers together and rested her head on his shoulder. “Is this okay?” she asked at a whisper.

He responded by raising their linked hands and pressing a kiss against the back of hers. “Yes,” he said at an equally hushed tone.

A blanket of silence stretched between them once more. The muted noises of Skyhold’s courtyard could be heard in the distance and made for a comforting distraction while Cullen worked up the courage to speak.

After what seemed like an eternity of stillness, he broke the silence and, very softly, began to share his tale.

Rima listened quietly as he spoke, giving him her full attention. When he told her of Uldred and Kinloch, her brows drew together in concern and her face filled with sympathy, but she didn’t interrupt. She knew he needed to get this off his chest.

He went on to describe the events of Kirkwall, and as he continued, he slowly began to curl in on himself, as though he were trying to hide himself away. She could feel her heart breaking for him. He had gone through so much, and though some of the things he’d admitted to doing were inexcusable, it was clear he showed remorse for his actions. For the Creators’ sake, he was risking both body and mind in an attempt to prove to himself that he’d left that life behind.

She found herself squeezing his hand in comfort whenever he recounted something particularly gruesome. She wasn’t particularly sure the gesture was welcome, but she felt the need to do _something_ to reassure him; to remind him that she was here for him.

When he finished speaking, Cullen fell into silence once more, staring blankly at his knees. Rima looked at him worriedly, but remained quiet, opting to continue holding his hand as tightly as she dared.

Eventually, he let out a slow, measured sigh. “I’ve never told anyone what truly happened to me at Ferelden’s Circle,” he murmured. “I was…not myself after that.” Shaking his head with mild frustration, he lamented, “I was angry…for years, that anger blinded me…I’m not proud of the man that made me.”

Rima wanted to speak up; wanted to protest that he was more honorable than he realized, but seeing that he had more to say, she kept her mouth shut.

He slowly turned to look at her for the first time since they’d started this conversation and her breath caught in her throat. There was so much sorrow in his eyes, laden with guilt as he bore himself to her. “The way I saw mages…I’m not sure I would have cared about you…” he all but whispered. “And the thought of that _sickens_ me…”

_Oh, Cullen…_

Staring at him sadly, Rima gave his hand a squeeze before moving to clutch it with both of her hands. He looked down at their hands in surprise before slowly returning his gaze to her. “For what it’s worth…” she said sincerely. “I like who you are now.”

His eyes widening dramatically, he stared at her in shock. “Even after everything I just told you?”

Reaching up to cup his cheek, she gave him a sad smile, rubbing her hand back and forth gingerly. “What do you think I see when I look at you?” she asked quietly.

He appeared slightly startled by her question and quickly glanced down at his lap in response. After a few moments of silence, he answered, “I imagine you see a man deserving of pity…One who’s disgraced himself beyond measure and requires the help of others to pick up the pieces…”

His voice was bitter and weary and her heart ached for him.

Gently, she lifted his chin so that he was forced to look at her. Reluctantly, he obeyed, gazing at her with defeated eyes.

“You couldn’t be further from the truth,” she told him with a tender smile. He seemed like he wanted to protest, but promptly shut his mouth. Softly, she continued, “I see before me a man who has overcome so much…who has persevered despite the odds. I see a man who, time and again, has put the needs of others ahead of his own, and who would give anything to protect people from harm.”

Tears began to prick his eyes and he swallowed thickly. She wasn’t certain if he believed her words or not, but regardless, she kept going. “I see a man who clearly shows remorse for his past and has risked everything just to prove to himself that he’s put that behind him…”

He lowered his gaze again, either because of shame or because he didn’t want her to see him cry, but either way, she was not about to relent.

Tenderly, she reached for his cheek once more. “But above all else, I see a man who I care for more than anything…and I want him to know that I will always be here for him.”

Slowly, very slowly, he looked up at her, his face full of awe and disbelief. She gently wiped the tears from his eyes with the pads of her thumbs, staring at him reverently before darting in for a quick kiss on the lips.

Rima pulled back swiftly, lowering her head slightly. However, before she could doubt whether that had been the right thing to do, he’d pulled her close once more, capturing her mouth with fierce determination.

She soon relaxed into his embrace and began returning the kiss in full. Though she couldn’t quite place a name on her feelings for Cullen, she recognized that being with him like this felt very much like coming home. Words of endearment she’d never had reason to cling to before began to run through her mind. Perhaps one day, she’d find the courage to speak them aloud.

Until that day came, she was perfectly content remaining in his arms, offering whatever comfort she could.

**Author's Note:**

> Since I skipped over Cullen’s confession during my version of Perseverence, I decided to make a follow-up piece where he gives a proper explanation.


End file.
